Tuesday, April 10, 2012


SPF's, cooking timers, ISO and AF meters. Aren't we trained to avoid over exposure?  A little heat, a little light is good for us. A lot will devastate us.

But we are Christ-followers, called to carry instruments of death. Our purpose is self-devastation. Crucify the flesh with its passions and desires.

I like to hide, avoid exposure, shove my sin into dark recesses, hoping God will never realize, hoping I will never realize just how sinful I am. But when I wall in that sin, don't I look just like Eve, hiding behind a bush so God won't see the bite in the fruit?

That sin, hidden in the dark, keeps me from God. I give Satan a foothold, a leg up into my heart. Sin is his domain. Darkness is his arena.

For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed...

I hide because I know what will be exposed. Self-loving, self-serving works, disguised as good deeds. My attempts to manipulate God into blessing me through acts of piety and charity. Shameful idolatry of the gift rather than worshipping the gift giver.

I see this when I lose control. Not when we adjust the schedule or dinner doesn't come out right, but when things get really out of hand. Days with no naps. Weeks with projects cluttering tight living spaces. {Families aren't designed just for comfort. Families are God's tool to expose sin.}

My mind goes manic. My eyes widen and shift as I try to regain the upper hand. I am afraid. Where does that fear come from? Surely I'm not that afraid of tired, cranky babies or of a dirty floor. No. I'm afraid of what cranky rebellious babies and unkept floors say about the momma who is supposed to be in charge. Panic bubbles when I don't meet my arbitrary standard of judgment, when my hypocrisy is exposed.

So I build Ikea-esque closets to store my sin. Well-organized, easily accessible, hidden from the public eye. But the hiding lets the sin grow, the ignoring allows metastasis. Until I can't identify my sin because it's so intertwined with my heart.

But everyone who does what is true comes to the light that it might be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in Christ. John 3:20-21

The Light exposes sin perfectly and eradicates without error, leaving my heart more whole than before.

Those panicky times are idol detectors sounding the alarm. What am I afraid of losing? I can't lose God, and He's all that matters. If I'm that scared, that stressed, that panicked, then I am watching a false god fall on its face. So what am I worshipping instead of the true God?

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

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