Thursday, April 25, 2013

Crunchy messes

I avoid you on days like this. Days when I have nothing to offer. At least nothing positive.

I'm angry and frustrated, and maybe I'm not honest enough about these days.

I'm angry about how much of my day is spent watching other people poop. That's the real result of early potty training. You can't trust them to wipe or call you when they're done. So you sit in the bathroom awkwardly {is there any other way?} while they strain. And I get angry.

I'm angry because big one sang through her nap, which happens to be my nap too. So this insomniac prego momma hasn't found rest yet.

I'm angry at the sponge cake that was supposed to be awesome for hubby's belated birthday dinner - it's a flat, crunchy mess. Which reminds me that I'm also angry with the loaf of bread which stubbornly refused to rise.

I'm angry that my kids can't find a single safe, legal toy when I'm in the middle of a project. I think the collapsed cake had something to do with the sand fight that erupted during the 2 minute 'watch carefully' step.

And I'm angry because my heart is wallowing in the frustrations around me. I have been given truth to overcome these days. And I seem to have lost it.

I don't post on these days because I don't feel godly or helpful.

Instead of hiding in silence today, or posting a recipe, I'm opting for more dangerous transparency. Because I know every mom has these days. Days when we want to give our children away, or envy anyone who talks to adults all day. Days when we know joy and peace are out there; they are simply eluding us. If I hide these feelings, these ugly days, do I leave you feeling lonely and broken on your angry days? I certainly feel lonely and broken today.

Even now I'm searching for a wrap-up that leaves on an edifying note. I have none. Nothing to offer. I'm merely a sympathetic virtual shoulder to anyone else whose day stinks.

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