Fast failure

How quickly rituals meant to remind of Christ become burdensome. I see the hypocrite, the pharisee in myself - If I'm abstaining from coffee, can I use a double shot to kick a migraine or do I suffer on under the guise of fasting? If I'm abstaining from drinking milk, can I eat pudding? Seeing my thoughts in print, I'm embarrassed by my pettiness.

This lent tradition, giving up to gain Christ, replacing a comfort with the Spirit's comfort, has been mostly about me. Where I will draw the line. How much I want a cup of coffee. How much I wish I had ignored the uncomfortable fasting season altogether.

Hardly the spiritual conquest I was hoping for.

Spiritual conquest - the root of my fast failure. I wasn't hoping to glorify God, not really. I was hoping for a grand spiritual experience, to have a primed and ready heart. It sounds so good, but how can I have a heart prepared to celebrate Jesus if he isn't my focus? I am the hypocrite disfiguring my face, looking gloomy and exhausted, to show my fasting to the world. I grossly miss the point.

So my Lent season has been a series of disappointments. I don't feel focused on Christ. If anything, I'm more obsessed with myself. I chose coffee because I depend on it for self-control and strength. Just let momma finish this cup, and I'll be a better momma. promise.  In a small way, I use a latte to replace the Holy Spirit.

I thought to give it up in order to be made perfect in weakness. Instead my weakness has been highlighted. Not an addiction to caffeine, but the desire to control my weakness, to mask my selfishness with extra energy.

3 weeks passed in Lent. 3 weeks left to Lent. A half time evaluation, and I see the heavy burden I have tied on myself. Not the hardship of giving up my ritualistic latte break. The heart that believed I could prepare myself, force my way into God's presence through a fast. Have I not already been given access? His burden is light because He carried it all. He shouldered my burden under the weight of a wooden cross and crucified my sin with his blood. By his wounds, I am healed.

That's what I'm supposed to remember during Lent.

On Ash Wednesday

The first day of Lenten season. Preparation-for-the-cross season. I search out the crucifixion in my daily reading, and the living word does not disappoint:

My Help and My Deliverer
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.
40 I uwaited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and vheard my cry. 2 He drew me up from wthe pit of destruction,
out of xthe miry bog,
and yset my feet upon a rock,
zmaking my steps secure.3  He put aa new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will bsee and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.4 Blessed is the man who cmakes
the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
to those who dgo astray after a lie!5  You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
your ewondrous deeds and your fthoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
yet they are gmore than can be told.6 hIn sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,
but you have given me an open iear.1Burnt offering and sin offering
you have not required.7  Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
in the scroll of the book it is written jof me:8 kI delight to do your will, O my God;
your law is lwithin my heart.”9 I have told the glad news of deliverance2in mthe great congregation;
behold, I have not nrestrained my lips,
oas you know, O Lord.10  I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.11 As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain
your mercy from me;
your psteadfast love and your faithfulness will
ever preserve me!12  For evils have qencompassed me
beyond number;
my riniquities have overtaken me,
and I cannot ssee;
they are tmore than the hairs of my head;
my heart ufails me.13 vBe pleased, O Lord, to wdeliver me!
O Lord, xmake haste to help me!14 y Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether
who seek to snatch away my life;
let those be zturned back and brought to dishonor
who delight in my hurt! 15 Let those be appalled because of their shame
who asay to me, “Aha, Aha!”16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
bsay continually, “Great is the Lord!”17  As for me, I am cpoor and needy,
but dthe Lord takes thought for me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
do not delay, O my God!

In the cross is the fullness of deliverance, the awesome faithfulness of the Father proclaimed to the whole world. From the moment of sin, God was not content only to execute is holy wrath. Grace leads to a conversation with erring children. Grace leads to a promise of salvation. Grace leads to the cross and God's great deliverance.

We rejoice and are glad in this season of fasting and preparation!

Resources for Lent:

As you prepare, may I suggest a simple devotion such as this book from last year

or John Piper's brief insightful work, The Passion of Jesus Christ.

Over at A Holy Experience, Ann Voskamp is offering a free printable to use with your whole family.

do one... Lent

I'm late to post about Lent. Two days down. But the post didn't materialize yesterday. Migraine halo around most of my memories. My thoughts never composed. Even today, I'm not promising brilliance, even coherence. Please show grace. My head is still fuzzy from a day and night of pain and strong drugs.

"See one. Do one. Teach one." The learning strategy of Jesus with the disciples. See the God-given Truth. Live the Good News. Spread the Gospel. Repeat. Over and over until no one extinguishes without hearing.

I love to see, hear, learn. Let me read for hours. Listen to a dozen podcasts. Debate as long as the coffee is still warm. I love to tell people what I've learned, pass on truth. Where I fail: doing. Much easier to identify truth for others, rather than apply it to my own heart. I am the idiot with the log in her eye trying to point out specks.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. James 1:22

I don't want to observe Easter this year. Watch it come and go. I want to do. Make Easter my life. Lent, fasting and meditation, a daily reminder to set my face toward Jerusalem. Luke 9:51

As a child, we practiced, and I missed the point, so decided it was pointless. I assumed the practice, not my heart, must be flawed.

But I was wrong. Lent is meant to prepare for Easter, to remind and celebrate Christ's final weeks on Earth so that the Resurrection doesn't pass by, just another Sunday.

 Our mantel piece reminders are in place to help our family walk toward the Cross. The weekly meditations and readings are taken from the Mosaic Bible.