Infestation

My sister specializes in bugs on her pottery.

I need a huge venus fly trap. Not so large it will take on the neighbor's dog (although I wouldn't complain if a plant ate our neighbor's Camaro). Just large enough to handle a big gnat problem. Admittedly, I'm not the most fastidious house cleaner, but my pride is hurt when guests swat in the air at gnats threatening their noses.

They came in with the house plants. You think you're doing a good thing by increasing the oxygen in your home, adding a bit of green to the house, only to be repaid with fungus gnats. At least, I think they're fungus gnats. They're not fruit flies. I'm well acquainted with them. In high school, someone broke a jar from the fruit fly experiment. They swarmed the hallways for years.

The internet says I have fungus gnats that live in the fungus laden soil from Lowe's. They're described as "harmless." Really? Then why did God include them in the 10 plagues? I don't mean to questions God's judgement, but I think mosquitoes would have been more effective than gnats.

Whatever they are, I'm done with them. This is war! (For effect, please hum "War Pigs" as you finish this post). I've looked up a few home remedies, and most of them sound quacky. Rub lemon juice around your pots?? Leave vinegar in a jar with holes in the lid. The fruit flies will crawl in and get stuck. Why can't they find their way out if they found their way in??

Forget it. I'm going to Lowe's for plant fungicide and gnat spray. Because let's be honest - I'm only organic until it gets really annoying.

I was going to write about my crafty ReStyle project today but iPhoto and Safari aren't talking, so my pictures are stuck in limbo. Tomorrow. I promise a better post tomorrow.