He leads me

We have an Angry Bird. I won't rat my child out on cyberspace. Suffice to say, God has blessed us with one child in particular who rages. When we're in a storm {like today}, the tantrums link from one to the next like chain smoking. The ember from one fire still hot enough to ignite the next.

Early this morning, I pray over a defiant head, Bless with joy and peace. Protect from anger and temptation to sin. Lead to righteousness. Eyes up, I don't want righteousness. I want to be angry! A new prayer forms, Spirit, grant a new heart that seeks you. My momma heart is heavy.

The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20.

Our verse of this storm.

What I didn't prepare my heart for... my own anger. By lunch, I was nearly in tears of rage. Baby is teething. Both girls are acting out in their irritation from the incessant crying. Now lunch is burning, and Gwennan is trying to ask me questions about mythological PBS dinosours over the exhaust fan, stand mixer, and screaming baby. That's when the egg was hurled at the sink wall as my rage bubble finally burst.

Fast forward through one more hour of fussing and fits and disobedience. Naps arrive, and graciously, they all sleep. at the same time. this hasn't happened in quite a while.

Open my Bible, Please Lord, some sanity restored! I see today's scheduled reading and immediately look for an escape route.

Woe to you whitewashed tombs, full of uncleanness, who appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy, Matthew 23:27, 28

Graves hidden under life - grass, flowers - no marker to alert people to avoid this contaminating spot.

Part of me, the still raging part, wants to accuse, I thought you promised not to break a bruised reed? What am I today if not bruised??

Except He isn't breaking me, not today. Honest, bare moment: Did I lose my temper? Yes. Did I scream that rage at my kids? Yes. Did I try to make them feel guilty for causing my sinful rage? That one stings, and yes.

My children are being led to the throne by a hypocrite. Or are they? Yes, I am a hyprocrite, preaching righteousness and exercising wrath. But I'm not leading them to the throne. The Holy Spirit holds their little hands and guides them.

I breathe deep. That's why all those wonderful, godly parents reply, I didn't do anything, when I press them about how they raised wonderful, godly children. Even a few years of parenting is teaching me that all parents are hypocrites, myself the chief. Those wiser parents are exactly right to say, God did all the important work.

Thank you, Father. You give grace when I show none. You give peace when I sow strife. You set our feet on paths of righteousness. Your burden is light on me because it is all on you, and You are strong enough to bear up. I trust my family to you!

Winter Wonderland

The last two weeks have been snow and vacation. Finally built that snowman Gwenny's been planning for months. Traveled to Knoxville for Christmas in February. We've been so busy playing that I haven't collected my thoughts in weeks. But the house is coming together. Most of the stuff is put away. Time to move back to organized, creative school, thought out meals, daily workouts, and chronology.

At my parent's home, my sisters and I sorted through decades of photos. My grandmothers back in the day - so beautiful in their pearls and victory rolls. Our childhood - the field trips and the wind suits and the hours and hours on horseback. Memory after memory sparked and relived around the kitchen table, three sisters awww-ing and hugging and beaming. My family is blessed with a beautiful history together. A cause for celebration.

To keep the party going, let me share some of the crew's favorite moments this winter.

From the Farm:

Standing by the banks of the much swollen creek

My beautiful niece

Playing Pooh Sticks

In honor of the flaky forecast, our last snow day:

First taste of snow cream - shocking and amazing

She finally built her snowman! That hair was all her idea.

This winter is full of good memories for our kids to reflect on later.

That being said, bring on the warm weather!